i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
