Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
