nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
