Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
