Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
