i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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