Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
