My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
