cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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