Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
