i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize