She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
