I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
