so explain again why im purple
no
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
