She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
