dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
