she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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