I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
