My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
