I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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