Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
