i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My vagina is officially offended.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
