Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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