I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
