I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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