How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
