Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
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