i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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