Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
