I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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