glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
