so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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