glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
