he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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