cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there was a trapeze. enough said
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
