just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
