somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
