..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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