she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
