I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
