Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
