Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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