with your own penis?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
how does that bad decision feel?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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