Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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