hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
