I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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