He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
