I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
