hell yes lets make some ravioli
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
