My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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