if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think my tv is drunk
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
