Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
