HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Randomize
