Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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