I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
