I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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