I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
