okay pat passed out under dana's car
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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