If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
