They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He better not be in your backpack
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
