Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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