I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
