i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
