you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
