Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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