I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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