you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
