your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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