how can u be prego again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
