i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
