He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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