it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
