I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
