Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
