So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
