it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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