My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
