whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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