im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
