I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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