so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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