Define "chronic" masturbator.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This toilet bowl is my home.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize