I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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